Gifford Pinchot National Forest, Washington State

Bigfoot, Sasquatch, Yeti, all different names for a strange, hairy, human-like creature that many consider to be the missing link between our species and apes. The problem? Sightings of Sasquatch are rare and flighty, so no one has had much of a real scoop on them other than second hand stories and blurry photos. Until now.

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SKYE: Let’s get started. I think the first question on all of our minds is: why are you so hard to find?

SASQUATCH: Well I for one like it that way. I don’t need people encroaching on my personal privacy all the time, you know? Besides, I love the views, living out here in the natural world. No pointless noise, no people, just trees, far as the eye can see. It’s where I get my inspiration.

SKYE: Inspiration for what?

SASQUATCH: For the novel I’m working on of course! It doesn’t have a title yet, but it’s about, a young writer who has lost his passion, but then he meets a girl who is suffering from a terminal illness, but she’s still a cheerful, optimistic person because she realizes it’s best to live your best life in the time you have, and she inspires him to rekindle his creative fire, if you will. Of course that’s just what the story seems to be on the surface, in reality there’s much more allegory and stream of consciousness kind of stuff in there, but that’s all a bit hard to explain in a short conversation. It’s something of a literary work, so I wouldn’t expect the common population to be able to understand it.

SKYE: …What?

SASQUATCH: Exactly. Now, is that all you had? Because I’d like to get back to my writing.

SKYE: Um, I do have another question for you, actually.

SASQUATCH: All right, but do try to be quick about it.

SKYE: Why is it that people call you “bigfoot?” Are your feet really that big?

SASQUATCH: Call me what?! That’s rather rude, don’t you think? They aren’t any bigger than… well, now that I look at them, I can’t say they aren’t large… and I’ve never exactly been able to fit them into human shoes, but… Do… do you think they’re too big?

SKYE: I’m not here to sooth your fragile sense of self worth. Just to ask questions.

SASQUATCH: Fine, what other overly personal inquiries do you have prepared to fling at me?

SKYE: How often do you bathe?

SASQUATCH: No, I can’t take it! I’m going back to my cave. Please don’t publish this interview, and it hasn’t been nice to meet you.

SKYE: Same to you.

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